Resolving Money Conflicts

When couples disagree about money, you can bet there’s going to be trouble. The good news is most money problems can be solved by simply talking. You may want to begin by asking yourself, “What’s Your Money Personality”? According to Olivia Mellan, author of Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationship, most people fall into one or more loosely defined money personalities: • Spenders are the shop until-you-drop consumers who gain pleasure from buying. They don’t budget, prioritize or save. • Hoarders like strict budgets and prioritize everything. They see spending money on entertainment, vacations, and any extras as frivolous. • Avoiders put off money management because it overwhelms them. Since they don’t like budgets or keeping records, they often forget to pay their bills. • Amassers like to stockpile their money to feel safe and happy. The bigger the pile, the more secure they feel. So what’s your money personality, and what’s your spouses? This may help you understand your partner’s relationship to money. When it comes to talking about money with your partner, here are four strategies to help you on the road to better communication: 1. Timing is everything. When it comes to talking about money, choose a time when people are feeling good. 2. Stay positive. Don’t accuse your partner. Focus on how the behavior is making you feel, and look for solutions. 3. Be specific. For example, “I’m feeling concerned about the money we’re spending on this vacation.” 4. Assume win-win situations are possible! Find your common ground where both of you can agree and each get most of what you want. Once you and your spouse have identified your individual styles, set-aside time to define common objectives and find strategies that work around your differences, so you can meet those goals. If your tempers begin to heat-up, agree to meet at another time when both of you are calmer.